1
00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:07,494
Hey, guys. It's me.

2
00:00:07,494 --> 00:00:09,862
So, tomorrow begins
the trial of the millennium.

3
00:00:09,862 --> 00:00:12,865
It's pretty obvious
that Gory Dory is guilty,

4
00:00:12,865 --> 00:00:15,368
so why are we even
having this trial?

5
00:00:15,368 --> 00:00:16,736
She should be in jail!

6
00:00:16,736 --> 00:00:20,039
And not to be sexist,
but she's pretty ugly,

7
00:00:20,039 --> 00:00:21,975
and she looks like a liberal.

8
00:00:21,975 --> 00:00:25,378
And I'll be interested to see
if she ever shuts up!

9
00:00:40,126 --> 00:00:43,896
♪ Obedear, the sky is low ♪

10
00:00:43,896 --> 00:00:47,066
So, this is what I was thinking
for the first day.

11
00:00:47,066 --> 00:00:50,570
It's super professional,
and it matches

12
00:00:50,570 --> 00:00:54,073
with this suit for Drew!

13
00:00:54,073 --> 00:00:56,442
Yeah, I just feel like,
you know, we're gonna look like

14
00:00:56,442 --> 00:00:59,946
some sort of brother-sister
cartoon freaks if we match.

15
00:00:59,946 --> 00:01:02,114
You know what, Cassidy?
Why don't we take

16
00:01:02,114 --> 00:01:04,083
the responsibility
off your shoulders

17
00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:06,052
of dressing us up
like little dolls

18
00:01:06,052 --> 00:01:09,256
and focus
on your opening statement,

19
00:01:09,256 --> 00:01:11,791
which I, for one,
would love to hear.

20
00:01:11,791 --> 00:01:13,227
Mm.

21
00:01:13,227 --> 00:01:16,429
Well, this is about
us coaching you,

22
00:01:16,429 --> 00:01:18,864
not the other way around.

23
00:01:18,864 --> 00:01:21,100
What's the big deal?

24
00:01:21,100 --> 00:01:23,036
Let's just hear
your statement.

25
00:01:23,036 --> 00:01:24,871
Are you not prepared?

26
00:01:24,871 --> 00:01:27,107
Maybe I just don't like
being put on the spot.

27
00:01:27,107 --> 00:01:28,608
Well, that's what court is.

28
00:01:28,608 --> 00:01:29,775
Right?

29
00:01:29,775 --> 00:01:32,046
So, come on.

30
00:01:32,046 --> 00:01:34,580
Practice.

31
00:01:34,580 --> 00:01:36,716
Fine.

32
00:01:36,716 --> 00:01:39,319
Okay. Oh, God.

33
00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:43,489
So, imagine, if you will,

34
00:01:43,489 --> 00:01:46,893
a little girl on a playground...

35
00:01:46,893 --> 00:01:48,661
swinging on a swing.

36
00:01:48,661 --> 00:01:51,497
Okay, um, I'm sorry,
I hate this.

37
00:01:51,497 --> 00:01:53,933
It's not cheesy,
but it just feels like it is,

38
00:01:53,933 --> 00:01:55,903
because I feel like
I'm under a microscope,

39
00:01:55,903 --> 00:01:57,939
in my own home.

40
00:01:59,205 --> 00:02:04,243
Um, and then there were these
small changes in her persona--

41
00:02:04,243 --> 00:02:06,613
Sorry, I'm just gonna
take that line again.

42
00:02:06,613 --> 00:02:10,817
Um, and after that, I noticed
changes in her person--

43
00:02:10,817 --> 00:02:12,486
I'm sorry.
I'm just in my head.

44
00:02:12,486 --> 00:02:14,353
I'm usually so amazing
at learning lines.

45
00:02:14,353 --> 00:02:17,456
I just-- It's just very weird
playing myself.

46
00:02:17,456 --> 00:02:20,294
Totally. But remember, you don't
have to be perfect up there.

47
00:02:20,294 --> 00:02:21,327
You're a human being.

48
00:02:21,327 --> 00:02:23,095
You have every right
to be nervous.

49
00:02:23,095 --> 00:02:26,333
Well, it kind of does
have to be perfect, alright?

50
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:28,468
So, you know,
I guess I would just ask

51
00:02:28,468 --> 00:02:32,372
for you to just deal
with the pressure.

52
00:02:32,372 --> 00:02:34,876
Okay.

53
00:02:35,943 --> 00:02:37,810
Hey, gang.

54
00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:41,014
We're gearing up for
a long, hard battle,

55
00:02:41,014 --> 00:02:44,818
and the one gift we can
give ourselves is sleep.

56
00:02:44,818 --> 00:02:46,386
Sleep.

57
00:02:46,386 --> 00:02:49,188
Uh, thanks, Bob.
Have a good night.

58
00:02:49,188 --> 00:02:54,026
You know, my best friend died
five years ago and...

59
00:02:54,026 --> 00:02:57,196
changed the course
of my life.

60
00:02:57,196 --> 00:03:00,734
I'm sorry to hear about
your friend, Bob.

61
00:03:00,734 --> 00:03:03,536
Life. Live it.

62
00:03:03,536 --> 00:03:05,238
Exploit it.

63
00:03:05,238 --> 00:03:07,707
Take it by the neck
and choke it.

64
00:03:07,707 --> 00:03:11,211
You get out of this mess,
you guys are gonna be so lucky.

65
00:03:11,211 --> 00:03:13,914
And when you are,
do something.

66
00:03:13,914 --> 00:03:16,349
Change the world.

67
00:03:16,349 --> 00:03:22,422
Or just, you know, sit back
and make some cash, at least.

68
00:03:22,422 --> 00:03:24,592
Good night.

69
00:03:32,265 --> 00:03:34,567
Charlie! Hi!

70
00:03:34,567 --> 00:03:35,835
Oh, I'm so sorry.

71
00:03:35,835 --> 00:03:37,371
Um, I'm a guest
on Charlie Reeny's show.

72
00:03:37,371 --> 00:03:39,073
Do you know
where I can find her?

73
00:03:39,073 --> 00:03:41,008
Elliott Goss.

74
00:03:41,008 --> 00:03:43,710
Hi!

75
00:03:43,710 --> 00:03:45,178
Oh, my goodness!

76
00:03:45,178 --> 00:03:46,579
Hello!

77
00:03:46,579 --> 00:03:48,047
How are you?!

78
00:03:48,047 --> 00:03:50,417
I'm glad you finally decided
to come on my show.

79
00:03:50,417 --> 00:03:52,418
Oh, well, thank you so much
for having me.

80
00:03:52,418 --> 00:03:54,186
I've seen enough clips
of your show to know

81
00:03:54,186 --> 00:03:57,091
that you don't often have
the gay coastal elite

82
00:03:57,091 --> 00:03:59,259
on as guests, so...

83
00:03:59,259 --> 00:04:00,893
I always like to ask
before we start,

84
00:04:00,893 --> 00:04:02,462
are there any
no-fly zones?

85
00:04:02,462 --> 00:04:04,263
I try and respect
my guests' privacy.

86
00:04:04,263 --> 00:04:07,734
Yes. Um, I tend to be very quiet
about my failures,

87
00:04:07,734 --> 00:04:10,603
so if you don't mind, please
don't mention my book deal,

88
00:04:10,603 --> 00:04:11,938
which recently crumbled.

89
00:04:11,938 --> 00:04:14,074
I'm just here to discuss
my friends, so...

90
00:04:14,074 --> 00:04:15,608
- Loud and clear.
- Cool.

91
00:04:15,608 --> 00:04:17,710
Well, I haven't gotten
into hair and makeup yet,

92
00:04:17,710 --> 00:04:19,612
so I'll see you on set.

93
00:04:19,612 --> 00:04:20,613
Okay.

94
00:04:20,613 --> 00:04:22,282
This is so fun!

95
00:04:22,282 --> 00:04:24,384
Thank y--

96
00:04:24,384 --> 00:04:25,785
Where do I go?

97
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,389
Oh, my God.

98
00:04:29,389 --> 00:04:32,126
Gory Dory, are you
a cold-blooded killer?!

99
00:04:32,126 --> 00:04:34,094
Drew, did she
make you do it?!

100
00:04:34,094 --> 00:04:36,296
Get back!
Nothing, nothing!

101
00:04:38,831 --> 00:04:40,935
Get away from me, you animals!

102
00:04:40,935 --> 00:04:42,336
Get back!

103
00:04:42,336 --> 00:04:45,605
I love you, Drew!

104
00:04:45,605 --> 00:04:48,974
Please rise.

105
00:04:48,974 --> 00:04:50,509
The United States District Court

106
00:04:50,509 --> 00:04:53,112
for the Southern District
of New York is now in session.

107
00:04:53,112 --> 00:04:56,183
The Honorable Judge
Xavier Hellerman presiding.

108
00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:07,493
Please be seated.

109
00:05:07,493 --> 00:05:09,296
This is the United States

110
00:05:09,296 --> 00:05:12,965
vs. Dory Sief and Drew Gardner.

111
00:05:12,965 --> 00:05:15,502
Counsel, are you
ready to proceed?

112
00:05:15,502 --> 00:05:17,303
- Yes.
- Yes.

113
00:05:17,303 --> 00:05:20,007
Deputy, let's invite the jury.

114
00:05:30,184 --> 00:05:32,052
Dory...

115
00:05:32,052 --> 00:05:34,355
I'm really scared.

116
00:05:41,194 --> 00:05:43,463
Before we begin, may I just
relay to the court

117
00:05:43,463 --> 00:05:45,899
that I was recently diagnosed

118
00:05:45,899 --> 00:05:49,135
with a very rare
autoimmune condition

119
00:05:49,135 --> 00:05:51,699
called Poppy Gillies disease,

120
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:54,641
which gravely affects
my metabolism.

121
00:05:54,641 --> 00:05:57,043
There may be times
in this courtroom

122
00:05:57,043 --> 00:05:59,912
when I may be
continuously snacking,

123
00:05:59,912 --> 00:06:02,584
as my life depends on it.

124
00:06:05,551 --> 00:06:09,591
I now ask the prosecution
to give their opening statement.

125
00:06:11,758 --> 00:06:13,393
Good morning.

126
00:06:13,393 --> 00:06:15,662
Day one...

127
00:06:15,662 --> 00:06:19,399
of many, of many.

128
00:06:19,399 --> 00:06:21,201
Well, you know what?
I'd like to start

129
00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:24,538
by painting you
a little picture.

130
00:06:24,538 --> 00:06:26,673
It's a cool...

131
00:06:26,673 --> 00:06:30,610
breezy May afternoon.

132
00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:35,348
And a little girl sits on
the swings, on the playground.

133
00:06:35,348 --> 00:06:38,751
Only this little girl
doesn't feel like playing today.

134
00:06:38,751 --> 00:06:42,055
Something inside of her knows...

135
00:06:42,055 --> 00:06:44,257
that somewhere in Montreal,

136
00:06:44,257 --> 00:06:47,961
just five hours north
of where she sits,

137
00:06:47,961 --> 00:06:51,398
her father, Keith Isaac Powell,

138
00:06:51,398 --> 00:06:53,766
is being violently murdered

139
00:06:53,766 --> 00:06:59,439
by a young, attractive,
privileged couple.

140
00:06:59,439 --> 00:07:03,943
This man did not deserve to die,

141
00:07:03,943 --> 00:07:07,947
especially at the hands
of a couple of Millennials

142
00:07:07,947 --> 00:07:11,117
looking for a thrill-kill!

143
00:07:11,117 --> 00:07:13,720
Dory Sief is an attractive
woman, all right?

144
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:18,225
But with that attractiveness
came sexual confidence.

145
00:07:18,225 --> 00:07:20,960
Mm. Sounds good.

146
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:25,164
But that turned into
sexual deviance.

147
00:07:25,164 --> 00:07:30,002
She revealed to her...
submissive boyfriend

148
00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:32,405
that she was having an affair

149
00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:36,143
and then coerced him to just
dutifully abandon all morality

150
00:07:36,143 --> 00:07:38,645
just to satisfy her.

151
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,817
And we have undeniable proof

152
00:07:43,817 --> 00:07:47,019
against that privileged couple.

153
00:07:47,019 --> 00:07:49,154
Proof that they were in Montreal

154
00:07:49,154 --> 00:07:52,325
on the grounds
where Keith was murdered.

155
00:07:52,325 --> 00:07:54,861
Hair samples, fingerprints,

156
00:07:54,861 --> 00:07:57,963
such extensive DNA
from the crime scene.

157
00:07:57,963 --> 00:07:59,464
We have so much evidence,

158
00:07:59,464 --> 00:08:04,304
that, frankly, you're gonna
get real tired of it.

159
00:08:04,304 --> 00:08:06,340
If we allow these two

160
00:08:06,340 --> 00:08:09,642
morally repugnant
abusers of privilege off,

161
00:08:09,642 --> 00:08:11,210
well, you know
what you're doing?

162
00:08:11,210 --> 00:08:14,347
You're letting
an entire generation off.

163
00:08:14,347 --> 00:08:17,850
If we enable this entitlement

164
00:08:17,850 --> 00:08:20,788
to the degree of murder,

165
00:08:20,788 --> 00:08:23,055
I ask you,

166
00:08:23,055 --> 00:08:25,892
what kind of world
are our children growing up in?

167
00:08:27,894 --> 00:08:29,863
And, more importantly...

168
00:08:31,665 --> 00:08:34,835
...what kind of world
do you want to live in?

169
00:08:34,835 --> 00:08:37,369
Oh, my God!

170
00:08:37,369 --> 00:08:40,441
- Can we get some paper towels!

171
00:08:42,776 --> 00:08:45,011
Mm-hmm.

172
00:08:45,011 --> 00:08:47,915
I, too, feel sick.

173
00:08:47,915 --> 00:08:48,982
- Oh.
- Here.

174
00:08:48,982 --> 00:08:50,183
This is bad.

175
00:08:50,183 --> 00:08:52,519
This is so bad.

176
00:08:52,519 --> 00:08:53,987
- All right.
- Ugh!

177
00:08:53,987 --> 00:08:55,990
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

178
00:08:55,990 --> 00:08:57,892
Yeah, I'm so sorry.

179
00:08:57,892 --> 00:08:59,727
I'm so sorry.

180
00:09:02,095 --> 00:09:04,730
Uh, just want
to say sorry.

181
00:09:04,730 --> 00:09:06,994
I'm so sorry.

182
00:09:06,994 --> 00:09:11,305
Now for the defense's
opening statements.

183
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,544
Okay.

184
00:09:25,285 --> 00:09:28,255
Good afternoon, everyone.

185
00:09:28,255 --> 00:09:31,291
Members of the jury...

186
00:09:31,291 --> 00:09:35,228
fellow attorneys, <i>et al.</i> Umm...

187
00:09:35,228 --> 00:09:38,965
In an unpredictable coincidence,

188
00:09:38,965 --> 00:09:41,868
my opening statement also began

189
00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:44,604
with imagery of a young girl
on a playground.

190
00:09:44,604 --> 00:09:47,807
It was different,
but not different enough

191
00:09:47,807 --> 00:09:52,379
for me to want
to still do it, so...

192
00:09:52,379 --> 00:09:55,982
Um, here comes
some improvisation,

193
00:09:55,982 --> 00:09:57,818
so...

194
00:09:57,818 --> 00:10:00,653
Hmph.

195
00:10:00,653 --> 00:10:06,793
This question is for the ladies
in the room!

196
00:10:06,793 --> 00:10:08,794
Have you ever felt,

197
00:10:08,794 --> 00:10:11,465
while walking down
the street at night,

198
00:10:11,465 --> 00:10:16,436
that there was someone
behind you, watching you?

199
00:10:16,436 --> 00:10:19,105
I'm sure you've had
this experience.

200
00:10:19,105 --> 00:10:25,579
And I know for a fact
that my client Dory Sief has.

201
00:10:25,579 --> 00:10:28,582
She was trying to make
the world a better place.

202
00:10:28,582 --> 00:10:31,078
She was trying to be
a good person.

203
00:10:31,078 --> 00:10:33,920
She was actually trying
to save her friend

204
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,455
Chantal Witherbottom,

205
00:10:35,455 --> 00:10:39,693
who, to her knowledge,
was in serious trouble.

206
00:10:39,693 --> 00:10:42,795
Now, along the way,
she met a man,

207
00:10:42,795 --> 00:10:46,432
"Keith Powell,"
whom she befriended.

208
00:10:46,432 --> 00:10:51,104
Mr. Powell developed feelings
for my client,

209
00:10:51,104 --> 00:10:52,639
which she indulged

210
00:10:52,639 --> 00:10:56,443
with the permission
of her understanding boyfriend.

211
00:10:56,443 --> 00:10:59,346
However, when the time came

212
00:10:59,346 --> 00:11:03,516
for Dory to end things
with Keith,

213
00:11:03,516 --> 00:11:05,885
he did not take it well.

214
00:11:05,885 --> 00:11:09,021
He put a tracking device
on her phone

215
00:11:09,021 --> 00:11:11,191
and followed her to Montreal

216
00:11:11,191 --> 00:11:14,861
in a dangerous fit.

217
00:11:14,861 --> 00:11:18,631
So it's obvious
that the question then becomes

218
00:11:18,631 --> 00:11:21,835
who followed Keith to Montreal

219
00:11:21,835 --> 00:11:25,172
and committed
this terrible crime?

220
00:11:25,172 --> 00:11:29,076
My client is not a murderer.

221
00:11:29,076 --> 00:11:31,344
She is a victim.

222
00:11:31,344 --> 00:11:33,513
She is a victim of circumstance,

223
00:11:33,513 --> 00:11:35,850
and she is a victim
of the patriarchy,

224
00:11:35,850 --> 00:11:38,552
as are we all.

225
00:11:38,552 --> 00:11:41,821
Mr. Powell was
an immoral predator

226
00:11:41,821 --> 00:11:44,391
who wanted to harass my client.

227
00:11:44,391 --> 00:11:47,527
And I'm proud of her
for not retaliating

228
00:11:47,527 --> 00:11:50,229
in the face of that harassment.

229
00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:52,665
I'm proud of her
for not even being aware

230
00:11:52,665 --> 00:11:54,434
of his murder at all.

231
00:11:54,434 --> 00:11:58,571
And I am proud of her

232
00:11:58,571 --> 00:12:02,442
for being a resilient, brave,

233
00:12:02,442 --> 00:12:05,412
modern woman.

234
00:12:05,412 --> 00:12:08,515
Thank you.

235
00:12:08,515 --> 00:12:13,120
And thank you... all.

236
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,096
What?

237
00:12:24,096 --> 00:12:26,299
Camera.
And we're back from commercial

238
00:12:26,299 --> 00:12:29,101
in 3, 2, 1.

239
00:12:29,101 --> 00:12:32,272
Hi. You're watching "Open Fire
with Charlie Reeny."

240
00:12:32,272 --> 00:12:33,573
My name is Charlie Reeny,

241
00:12:33,573 --> 00:12:35,709
and I have a hot show
for you today.

242
00:12:35,709 --> 00:12:38,611
It's the first day of trial
in the Gory Dory murder case,

243
00:12:38,611 --> 00:12:40,580
and joining me today
is lifelong friend

244
00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:42,815
of the murderous couple,
defense witness

245
00:12:42,815 --> 00:12:45,585
and gay rights activist
Elliott Goss.

246
00:12:45,585 --> 00:12:48,621
Uh, I wouldn't
necessarily call myself that.

247
00:12:48,621 --> 00:12:50,557
I'm certainly a friend
of the movement,

248
00:12:50,557 --> 00:12:52,792
but I've never been
to a march in my life.

249
00:12:52,792 --> 00:12:55,462
So, Elliott, before we get into
how you and your friends

250
00:12:55,462 --> 00:12:57,631
represent absolutely
everything that's wrong

251
00:12:57,631 --> 00:12:59,098
- with young liberals...
- Mm.

252
00:12:59,098 --> 00:13:02,604
...I wanted to give you a chance
to plug your book.

253
00:13:09,642 --> 00:13:11,144
Okay.

254
00:13:11,144 --> 00:13:12,645
What's shocking?

255
00:13:12,645 --> 00:13:14,481
The fact that you squandered
the only chance you had

256
00:13:14,481 --> 00:13:17,016
at a real career
by having writer's block,

257
00:13:17,016 --> 00:13:21,687
or the fact that my producer's
niece can draw this well?

258
00:13:21,687 --> 00:13:22,822
I know what I was
trying to say,

259
00:13:22,822 --> 00:13:25,458
and it's that
that is not my book.

260
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,594
- It looks just like you.
- Well, it's not my book.

261
00:13:27,594 --> 00:13:29,696
And I didn't write--
It's-- It's--

262
00:13:29,696 --> 00:13:31,733
Blond hair, blue eyes?

263
00:13:33,901 --> 00:13:34,768
My turn.

264
00:13:34,768 --> 00:13:38,105
Help me up, please.

265
00:13:38,105 --> 00:13:41,507
Ohh!
Whew!

266
00:13:41,507 --> 00:13:44,444
Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury.

267
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,846
Your Honor.

268
00:13:46,846 --> 00:13:51,118
Cassidy brought up
some very interesting points

269
00:13:51,118 --> 00:13:52,952
that I'm sure resonate

270
00:13:52,952 --> 00:13:56,856
with many people
around the world.

271
00:13:56,856 --> 00:14:01,294
The prosecution, well,
what was she talking about?

272
00:14:01,294 --> 00:14:02,862
I tried to follow it.

273
00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:05,498
I don't know
what she was saying.

274
00:14:05,498 --> 00:14:07,801
They both told stories,

275
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:11,070
but I am gonna talk
about the evidence,

276
00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:15,040
because if there's one thing
I'm completely confident of

277
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:19,813
is that my client,
Eddie, is innocent.

278
00:14:19,813 --> 00:14:22,215
Eddie?! Who's Eddie?

279
00:14:22,215 --> 00:14:23,549
Oh, uh--

280
00:14:23,549 --> 00:14:25,485
It's-- Bob, it's Drew.

281
00:14:25,485 --> 00:14:27,154
Drew! Drew!

282
00:14:27,154 --> 00:14:29,389
Drew is innocent.

283
00:14:31,691 --> 00:14:33,928
Do you ever have
one of those days?

284
00:15:10,831 --> 00:15:12,098
You cannot hire
any women taller than me.

285
00:15:12,098 --> 00:15:14,268
End of discussion.
She's 5'7". I'm 5'6".

286
00:15:14,268 --> 00:15:16,070
Do the fuckin' work.

287
00:15:16,070 --> 00:15:17,437
Are you okay?

288
00:15:17,437 --> 00:15:19,271
You look beat up.

289
00:15:19,271 --> 00:15:21,941
I'm sorry. I just didn't
quite expect this from you,

290
00:15:21,941 --> 00:15:24,078
not as a guest
in your own house.

291
00:15:24,078 --> 00:15:25,978
Babe, that's the game.

292
00:15:25,978 --> 00:15:27,781
Do you like watching
polite TV? No.

293
00:15:27,781 --> 00:15:29,982
You like watching good TV.

294
00:15:29,982 --> 00:15:33,953
And we're back in 3, 2, 1.

295
00:15:33,953 --> 00:15:36,789
Welcome back to "Open Fire
with Charlie Reeny."

296
00:15:36,789 --> 00:15:39,224
I'm your host, Charlie Reeny.
And joining me today

297
00:15:39,224 --> 00:15:42,395
is the man who helped
his friends bury a body,

298
00:15:42,395 --> 00:15:43,496
Elliott Goss.

299
00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:46,266
I'm sorry.

300
00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:49,069
- Did you fart?
- What?

301
00:15:49,069 --> 00:15:51,104
Oh, my God!

302
00:15:51,104 --> 00:15:53,639
I can't believe that much smell
came out of you.

303
00:15:53,639 --> 00:15:55,976
I mean, you are too tiny
to make that much smell.

304
00:15:55,976 --> 00:15:56,909
It's sick!

305
00:15:56,909 --> 00:15:58,578
People, I didn't fart.

306
00:15:58,578 --> 00:16:00,746
Oh, God. Oh, God.

307
00:16:00,746 --> 00:16:03,016
Yeah, you guys-- Right?
You, too?

308
00:16:03,016 --> 00:16:04,851
Yeah, even the producers
can smell it.

309
00:16:04,851 --> 00:16:06,953
It's <i>that</i> disgusting.

310
00:16:06,953 --> 00:16:08,821
Did you--
Oh, my God.

311
00:16:08,821 --> 00:16:11,491
Did you eat
an old ostrich egg?

312
00:16:11,491 --> 00:16:13,126
I don't fart!

313
00:16:13,126 --> 00:16:14,962
I don't fart!

314
00:16:16,896 --> 00:16:20,032
Your Honor, I would like
to call the witness

315
00:16:20,032 --> 00:16:23,905
Portia Davenport
to the stand, please.

316
00:16:49,263 --> 00:16:50,830
Raise your right hand.

317
00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:52,165
Do you swear or affirm

318
00:16:52,165 --> 00:16:54,200
that the testimony
you are about to give

319
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,336
will be the truth,
the whole truth,

320
00:16:56,336 --> 00:16:57,804
and nothing but the truth?

321
00:16:57,804 --> 00:16:58,905
Yes, I-I do.

322
00:16:58,905 --> 00:17:01,208
- Please be seated.
- Okay.

323
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,845
- Good morning.
- Good morning.

324
00:17:05,845 --> 00:17:08,715
How is it
that you, uh, know

325
00:17:08,715 --> 00:17:11,884
the defendants, Dory Sief
and Drew Gardner?

326
00:17:11,884 --> 00:17:14,488
Um, well, I met
Dory in college.

327
00:17:14,488 --> 00:17:16,756
And it's actually
a funny story.

328
00:17:16,756 --> 00:17:18,190
It always makes me laugh.

329
00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:20,093
It's way too long
to tell you guys,

330
00:17:20,093 --> 00:17:21,895
but I'll just say
that it involves

331
00:17:21,895 --> 00:17:25,197
me locking myself out
of my dorm room totally naked

332
00:17:25,197 --> 00:17:28,000
and then having to wait
in Dory's dorm room

333
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,738
until someone
unlocked mine.

334
00:17:31,738 --> 00:17:34,407
And, actually,
that is the entire story.

335
00:17:34,407 --> 00:17:36,443
And then she met Drew,

336
00:17:36,443 --> 00:17:38,278
and we all became good buds.

337
00:17:38,278 --> 00:17:39,846
But they weren't
very good buds

338
00:17:39,846 --> 00:17:44,284
on the night of May 26th,
now, were they?

339
00:17:44,284 --> 00:17:45,585
No.

340
00:17:45,585 --> 00:17:48,421
In a testimony
that you made to police,

341
00:17:48,421 --> 00:17:49,856
you stated,

342
00:17:49,856 --> 00:17:53,125
"I stopped dry-humping
with the Frenchman

343
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:56,362
and went downstairs
to get a glass of water.

344
00:17:56,362 --> 00:17:59,433
When I got to the kitchen,
I discovered my friends

345
00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:03,970
stuffing Keith's body
into a zebra-print suitcase.

346
00:18:03,970 --> 00:18:07,774
They convinced me
to bury the suitcase with them.

347
00:18:07,774 --> 00:18:10,877
I still have nightmares
every night."

348
00:18:10,877 --> 00:18:14,381
Do you still stand by
this statement, Portia?

349
00:18:14,381 --> 00:18:15,615
Yes, I do.

350
00:18:15,615 --> 00:18:18,151
Now, you've known Dory intimately

351
00:18:18,151 --> 00:18:21,054
for a long time,
would you say?

352
00:18:21,054 --> 00:18:23,423
How would you
describe her?

353
00:18:23,423 --> 00:18:26,426
Well, my answer is
kind of changing lately.

354
00:18:26,426 --> 00:18:31,131
Um, but if you had asked me
before all this,

355
00:18:31,131 --> 00:18:32,766
oh, man.

356
00:18:32,766 --> 00:18:35,169
I would say
Dory is so nice.

357
00:18:35,169 --> 00:18:37,304
And she's
such a good friend

358
00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:40,740
and very creative
and introspective.

359
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:45,010
But how would you
describe her now?

360
00:18:45,010 --> 00:18:48,848
I don't really know what's real

361
00:18:48,848 --> 00:18:51,451
and what's not real with her.

362
00:18:51,451 --> 00:18:54,654
After this whole era,
it's sort of my opinion

363
00:18:54,654 --> 00:18:56,456
that she really resents

364
00:18:56,456 --> 00:19:00,493
that she just doesn't
have a sense of self.

365
00:19:00,493 --> 00:19:02,361
And now that I'm sitting here
thinking about it,

366
00:19:02,361 --> 00:19:05,931
I didn't ever want
to even look for Chantal.

367
00:19:05,931 --> 00:19:09,502
I just did it
because I loved my friend,

368
00:19:09,502 --> 00:19:14,674
and I was very worried
about her mental health,

369
00:19:14,674 --> 00:19:18,512
and I wanted to be
a good friend.

370
00:19:18,512 --> 00:19:20,513
But then it kept getting
bigger and bigger,

371
00:19:20,513 --> 00:19:23,483
and she just dragged me
into these problems

372
00:19:23,483 --> 00:19:27,720
that I don't think I deserved
to be dragged into.

373
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,522
And then Keith dies,
and it's like

374
00:19:30,522 --> 00:19:33,793
she could have kept me
out of it, and she just didn't.

375
00:19:33,793 --> 00:19:37,997
I just think it's horrible
of her, and I think that...

376
00:19:37,997 --> 00:19:40,400
she doesn't care about me
and she never did,

377
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,735
or something like that.

378
00:19:42,735 --> 00:19:45,205
What a betrayal.

379
00:19:45,205 --> 00:19:47,874
You thin-lipped,
baby-killing,

380
00:19:47,874 --> 00:19:49,542
under-funded
pride parade!

381
00:19:49,542 --> 00:19:52,878
You book-burning gas chamber
with penis envy!

382
00:19:52,878 --> 00:19:54,481
- Commie!
- Fascist!

383
00:19:54,481 --> 00:19:56,316
- Faggot!!

384
00:19:56,316 --> 00:19:58,052
Whore!

385
00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:02,689
Well, that's all the time
we have today

386
00:20:02,689 --> 00:20:04,891
on "Open Fire
with Charlie Reeny."

387
00:20:04,891 --> 00:20:06,492
I'm Charlie Reeny
reminding you

388
00:20:06,492 --> 00:20:09,730
that the Second Amendment
is never going away.

389
00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:16,035
And we're out.

390
00:20:16,035 --> 00:20:19,038
That was incredible.
That's the most fun
I've ever had in my life.

391
00:20:19,038 --> 00:20:20,740
- You're a genius.
- No, no, no.

392
00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:23,209
<i>You</i> are a genius.

393
00:20:23,209 --> 00:20:26,511
Portia, is there anything
that maybe you would like to add

394
00:20:26,511 --> 00:20:31,218
that you think might be helpful
for the jury to hear today?

395
00:20:31,218 --> 00:20:33,753
Yes.

396
00:20:33,753 --> 00:20:36,055
I would like to add...

397
00:20:36,055 --> 00:20:38,758
that while I was coerced
into burying the body,

398
00:20:38,758 --> 00:20:41,528
I sensed in her no remorse.

399
00:20:41,528 --> 00:20:43,263
She was hostile

400
00:20:43,263 --> 00:20:47,200
and, to be frank,
full of vitriol.

401
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,569
Wow. So very traumatic.

402
00:20:49,569 --> 00:20:53,307
Your Honor, I--
I have no further questions.

403
00:20:55,175 --> 00:20:56,742
Miss Davenport.

404
00:20:56,742 --> 00:20:58,644
- Hi.
- Hi.

405
00:20:58,644 --> 00:21:00,114
Can I ask you a question?

406
00:21:00,114 --> 00:21:02,415
Do you wear contact lenses?

407
00:21:02,415 --> 00:21:03,449
I do.

408
00:21:03,449 --> 00:21:05,885
And what is your prescription
in each eye?

409
00:21:05,885 --> 00:21:09,122
My left eye is a six,

410
00:21:09,122 --> 00:21:11,624
and my right eye,
I believe, is a seven.

411
00:21:11,624 --> 00:21:15,327
Well, I'd like to do
a little eye test with you.

412
00:21:15,327 --> 00:21:18,632
- You want take me-- these out?
- Yeah, take your contacts out.

413
00:21:18,632 --> 00:21:20,733
Take your time.

414
00:21:20,733 --> 00:21:22,302
- Okay.
- Excuse me!

415
00:21:22,302 --> 00:21:24,471
- No, shh!
- Miss Diamond and Miss Sief,

416
00:21:24,471 --> 00:21:26,906
you're distracting
your own defense.

417
00:21:26,906 --> 00:21:29,910
I am so sorry, Your Honor.

418
00:21:29,910 --> 00:21:31,979
Um, Bob?

419
00:21:31,979 --> 00:21:35,482
Oh. What?

420
00:21:35,482 --> 00:21:36,982
I know, but...

421
00:21:36,982 --> 00:21:39,652
I want you to sit down and rest,

422
00:21:39,652 --> 00:21:40,787
and I'm gonna take over.

423
00:21:40,787 --> 00:21:42,522
Okay.

424
00:21:42,522 --> 00:21:47,493
I am so sorry
for this disruption, everyone.

425
00:21:47,493 --> 00:21:50,362
But I would just like to ask
the court stenographer

426
00:21:50,362 --> 00:21:54,166
if you could please read back
Portia's earlier statement

427
00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:57,170
regarding my client's
behavior toward her

428
00:21:57,170 --> 00:21:59,504
the night of the alleged burial.

429
00:21:59,504 --> 00:22:02,141
"While I was
coerced into burying the body,

430
00:22:02,141 --> 00:22:05,645
I sensed in her no remorse.
She was hostile

431
00:22:05,645 --> 00:22:09,316
and, to be frank,
full of vitriol."

432
00:22:09,316 --> 00:22:11,685
Mm.

433
00:22:11,685 --> 00:22:14,021
Mm.

434
00:22:14,021 --> 00:22:17,291
That's-- That's a word.

435
00:22:17,291 --> 00:22:19,125
I need to use that word
more often.

436
00:22:19,125 --> 00:22:20,794
Do you use
that word a lot?

437
00:22:20,794 --> 00:22:22,361
Yeah, I...

438
00:22:22,361 --> 00:22:24,698
personally feel like
it is just very important

439
00:22:24,698 --> 00:22:27,299
as a woman
to have a diverse vocabulary.

440
00:22:27,299 --> 00:22:30,337
Would you be a dear
and would you define it

441
00:22:30,337 --> 00:22:33,039
for some of the members
of the jury

442
00:22:33,039 --> 00:22:37,044
who might not be
very familiar with it?

443
00:22:37,044 --> 00:22:39,745
Mm-hmm. I can.

444
00:22:39,745 --> 00:22:41,981
It's, um...

445
00:22:41,981 --> 00:22:44,684
Uh-- Well, it would be,
like--

446
00:22:44,684 --> 00:22:47,219
V-Vitriol,
the definition of vitriol.

447
00:22:47,219 --> 00:22:50,223
It is something
that you are very full of.

448
00:22:50,223 --> 00:22:51,657
It's a quality.

449
00:22:51,657 --> 00:22:54,193
It's a-- And it's
a negative quality.

450
00:22:54,193 --> 00:22:56,930
Wow. Could you put it
in a sentence for me?

451
00:22:56,930 --> 00:22:58,031
Mm-hmm. Yes.

452
00:22:58,031 --> 00:22:59,766
Um, let me think.

453
00:22:59,766 --> 00:23:01,868
Uh, I have one.

454
00:23:01,868 --> 00:23:05,205
Um, "Dory was full
of vitriol."

455
00:23:05,205 --> 00:23:07,970
Oh, new sentence, please.

456
00:23:10,510 --> 00:23:14,246
Some people are always
full of vitriol.

457
00:23:14,246 --> 00:23:19,018
Mm, that's a suspiciously
similar sentence.

458
00:23:19,018 --> 00:23:20,587
You know, and it kind of
makes me wonder

459
00:23:20,587 --> 00:23:25,358
who would use a word
like "vitriol."

460
00:23:25,358 --> 00:23:28,128
Dare I say it was
coached into you?

461
00:23:28,128 --> 00:23:29,929
Is that true?

462
00:23:29,929 --> 00:23:32,466
What? No.
I don't know.

463
00:23:32,466 --> 00:23:35,134
I didn't, like, come up
with that word.

464
00:23:35,134 --> 00:23:37,204
But I could tell you
probably what it means.

465
00:23:37,204 --> 00:23:38,571
This feels very mean!

466
00:23:38,571 --> 00:23:41,273
Yeah, I would be interested
to go back and see

467
00:23:41,273 --> 00:23:44,578
how often in the transcript
of your confession

468
00:23:44,578 --> 00:23:48,281
with the police,
did you come up with the details

469
00:23:48,281 --> 00:23:51,151
or did the police
get really creative?

470
00:23:51,151 --> 00:23:52,552
Better question,

471
00:23:52,552 --> 00:23:54,454
is your baby-blue existence
in this courtroom

472
00:23:54,454 --> 00:23:57,123
due to the fact that you were
coerced by the police

473
00:23:57,123 --> 00:23:59,426
into agreeing
with the fabricated lies?

474
00:23:59,426 --> 00:24:01,327
- Objection.
- Sustained.

475
00:24:01,327 --> 00:24:03,763
That's okay.
Don't worry, Polly.

476
00:24:03,763 --> 00:24:07,767
I'm finished, because it's clear
to everyone in this courtroom

477
00:24:07,767 --> 00:24:09,136
what's going on right about now.

478
00:24:09,136 --> 00:24:12,138
You coached her.

479
00:24:12,138 --> 00:24:14,475
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

480
00:24:34,027 --> 00:24:35,862
Mom!

481
00:24:35,862 --> 00:24:37,997
Help! Mommy!

482
00:24:42,502 --> 00:24:45,139
♪ Did I ♪

483
00:24:45,139 --> 00:24:46,840
♪ Hear you screaming? ♪

484
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,310
Mommy, help me, please! Mommy!
♪ Did I see ♪

485
00:24:50,310 --> 00:24:53,046
♪ You dancing? ♪

486
00:24:53,046 --> 00:24:55,482
♪ Did you see ♪

487
00:24:55,482 --> 00:24:58,185
♪ That boy crying? ♪

488
00:24:58,185 --> 00:25:00,853
♪ I saw him ♪

489
00:25:00,853 --> 00:25:03,357
♪ I'm not laughing ♪


